The real me

I've got a lot going for me, but also, I'm pissed off.

I am not entirely sure why it’s taken me so long to get on here and write something after deciding that yes, I was going to start a Substack because nearly all my writer friends and colleagues have started a Substack and so I should, too, definitely get on Substack. Besides feeling like I’ve gotten to the party too late and my outfit is all wrong, I know that part of my delay is that I have, forever, had the fear that no one will care what I have to say.

I’d guess I’m not alone in that fear. Still, camaraderie in terror does not make it any less so. But what I think might have been at the root of that fear is more than just, “Boo hoo no one will read my stuff,” and rather a deep-seated need to be admired. Not liked, necessarily, but admired. And we can get into the psychology of that some other time. But the problem is that I don’t think anyone will admire what I want to write about because the fact is, really, all I want to write about is how much things annoy me.

That’s right. All I want to do is complain. All I want to do is wave my big pessimist flag and talk about all the things that can and do go wrong in this world to me and to all the other decent citizens of this planet just trying to get by and be happy.

Hello. My name is Valentina and I am a pessimist.

It’s very hard to admit that in a world where being positive is a multi-billion-dollar industry.

Plus, no one likes a pessimist. They certainly don’t admire them. We bring you down. We focus on the sad things and the bad things, the things that make you uncomfortable, the things that make you want to throw your hands up and ask, “Why is life so fucking hard?!”

Trust me. I wish I was an Instagram meme with a floral background and a prophetic adage about lifted spirits lifting all souls or some such crack. And actually, an animal TikTok can clear just about any funk I’m in at least for a few moments. But I generally am angry at a world that often feels like it’s out to get me. And if it’s out to get me — a cis, hetero, white, geriatric millennial — (or, I prefer “xennial”), then what’s it doing to the far less privileged?

So, for my inaugural complaint, let’s get into the predatory practices of EasyJet’s website and app. Conveniently, I tweeted a thread about their bullshit, so we can start there:

Yeah. I got a little feisty. I used some big words. I may have even tagged a UK travel news journalist and urged him to write a story about this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But I tell ya what, it made me feel better. For a second.

And then I waited about 24 hours and conceded that I’d need to actually purchase the large carry-on because there was no way that a backpack was going to suffice for 3 full days and 4 nights away. So, I logged on to the app and clicked through, and (begrudgingly) made my purchase………………

….of the WRONG BAG. Because of the confusing UI design of the purchasing page for carry-on and checked (hold, they call it here) bags, I mistakenly clicked on and bought a hold bag. I can and should also blame myself for the mistake. I mean, I was the human doing the clicking, so, yes, I fucked up. But I genuinely don’t know how. Did I black out while making the purchase because I was so incensed about EasyJet’s BS up to that point? It’s a distinct possibility.

So, now, instead of what should have been a fairly inexpensive and easy trip to southern Spain for my mother-in-law’s birthday, is now an expensive flight and a checked bag in London airports which is basically a death sentence for any trip during European August.

Look. I know this is not important in the grand scheme of things. I know there are far, far worse things going on in the world. But my therapist is on her own European August holiday and if I don’t complain to someone I might just explode at the airport baggage check-in desk. (If that did occur, I guess I might actually get that news article I wanted after all…)

Thanks for sticking this out with me. I’m still finding my footing here, but I think I feel pretty good about just being honest at this point, whether you admire me or not.

Leave a comment below if you’ve got something to add or just want to gripe about budget airlines with me.